- A guy walks into a pub with a lump of asphalt on his shoulder. He says to the bar man give us a pint and one for the road. Tommy Cooper
- I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.Hilarious One liners
- I do not have a single white note on my piano; my elephant smoked too much. Victor Borge
- Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
- Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes? Steve Wright
- Rufus always slept with his gun under his pillow. Hearing a noise at the foot of the bed, he shot off his big toe.
Tags: Alfred E. Neuman, Amusement park, Ann Widdecombe, Aston Martin DB6, Australia, Democratic Republic of the Congo, Dunning–Kruger effect, Eddie "The Eagle" Edwards, Edinburgh Festival Fringe, Gillian McKeith
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