Saturday, 31 October 2015

Management to Branch Manager

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Management  to Branch Manager :

The quarterly profit of Branch reduced. What the hell you are doing in the Branch ?

Branch Manager : Sir I am working hard for the Branch.

MGT: But you have not achieved any of your Targets.

BM: Sir I was behind the Targets in the beginning of the quarter.

MGT : Then why you not achieved it.

BM: Some of my loan proposals were rejected for one  reason or other.
Some customers dropped the proposal with us when we raised the query.
Still some idiots are waiting expecting that they may get loan from us.

MGT: If you  concentrate on Targets you should have achieved it.

BM: Sir by the time  got a call from ZO to concentrate on retail loan campaign to defeat another zone.

MGT : So you opened lot of retal loan accounts.

BM : No sir. Due to Maha login I was instructed to canvass life insurance policy.

MGT: Good . You might have canvassed good no of policies.

BM: No sir  I got a mail to make all accounts KYC compliant.
I was behind it.

MGT: So all your accounts are KYC compliant.

BM : No sir, I was instructed  to get Health / General insurance immediately.

MGT: So you made a good other income through Health/ General insurance.

BM : No sir by the time I got mail to clear verification of title deed, clear inspection comments, staff accountability, enroll all customers to Prime Minister Schemes etc.

MGT: And you have done all these.

BM : No sir , ZO/ RO instructed me to concentrate on Writeoff / NPA.

MGT:  So you have made good recovery.

BM : No sir by the time Quarter is over .


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Saturday, 3 October 2015

Why old people doesn't Use Internet Banking!?!?!

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I had spent an hour in the bank with Uncle, as he had to transfer some money. In a small SBI branch in a sleepy area of a small town. I couldn't resist the urge.

''Uncle, why don't we activate your internet banking?''
''Why would I do that?'' He asked
''Well, then you wont have to spend an hour here for things like transfer. You can even do your shopping online. Everything will be so easy!'' I was so excited about initiating him into the world of Net banking.
He asked ''If I do that, I wont have to step out of the house? I wont have to come to the bank?''
''Yes, yes''! I said. I told him how even grocery can be delivered at door now and how amazon delivers everything!

His answer left me tongue-tied. Our parents, have somewhere found the perfect balance. They enjoy seeing the photos we send them on Whats App but they have not broken their human ties. They have adopted technology on our insistence but not forgotten where it all began.

He said ''Since I entered this bank today, I have met four of my friends, I have chatted a while with the staff who know me very well by now. My kids are out of town and visit me now and then but this is the company that I need. I like to get ready and come to the bank. I have enough time, it is the physical touch that I crave. Two years back I got sick, very sick. The butcher from whom I buy meat, came to see me and sat by my bedside and cried. The man who comes every month to collect my bills and goes and physically pays them for a nominal charge from me, has only that mean of earning and the only thing that keeps him busy in his retired life. My wife fell down few days back while on her morning walk. My local grocer saw her and immediately got his car to rush her home as he knows where I live. Would I have that 'human' touch if everything became online?
Why would I want everything delivered to me and force me to interact with just my computer? 

I like to know the person that I'm dealing with and not just the 'seller' . It creates bonds. Relationships. Does Amazon deliver all this as well?'''

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Russian trolls Indian Doctor

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Respect yourself

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A man went to Guru Nanak Sahib and asked, "What's the value of life?"

Gurunanak ji gave him one stone and said, "Find out the value of this stone, but don't sell it."

The man took the stone to an Orange Seller and asked him what its cost would be.

The Orange Seller saw the shiny stone and said, "You can take 12 oranges and give me the stone." The man apologized and said that the guru has asked him not to sell it.

He went ahead and found a vegetable seller. "What could be the value of this stone?" he asked the vegetable seller. The seller saw the shiny stone and said, "Take one sack of potatoes and give me the stone."

The man again apologized and said he can't sell it. Further ahead, he went into a jewelery shop and asked the value of the stone.

The jeweler saw the stone under a lens and said, "I'll give you 50 Lakhs for this stone." When the man shook his head, the jeweler said, "Alright, alright, take 2 crores, but give me the stone."

The man explained that he can't sell the stone. Further ahead, the man saw a precious stone's shop and asked the seller the value of this stone. When the precious stone's seller saw the big ruby, he lay down a red cloth and put the ruby on it. Then he walked in circles around the ruby and bent down and touched his head in front of the ruby. "From where did you bring this priceless ruby from?" he asked. "Even if I sell the whole world, and my life, I won't be able to purchase this priceless stone.

Stunned and confused, the man returned to the guru and told him what had happened. "Now tell me what is the value of life, guru ji?" Gurunanak said, "The answers you got from the Orange Seller, the Vegetable Seller, the Jeweler & the Precious Stone's Seller explain the value of our life...

You may be a precious stone, even priceless, but people will value you based on their financial status, their level of information, their belief in you, their motive behind entertaining you, their ambition, and their risk taking ability. But don't fear, you will surely find someone who will discern your true value."

Respect yourself. You are Unique. No one can Replace you!

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Friday, 2 October 2015

Grandson Trolls Grandpa

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Grandfather : when I was your age, I used to take two rupees to the market and bring home soap, rice, milk, bread, ghee and face powder , etc.
Grandson : nowadays it is difficult... there are cctv cameras everywhere
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