Tuesday 17 February 2015

About Church and Marriage

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The Marriage

Paula, a mother was anxiously awaiting her daughter Janet's plane to land. Janet had just come back from abroad trying to find adventure during her gap year. As Janet was exiting the plane, Paula noticed a man directly behind her daughter dressed in feathers with exotic markings all over his body and carrying a shrunken head. Janet introduced this man as her new husband.

Paula gasped out loud in disbelief and disappointment and screamed, 'I said for you to marry a rich Doctor .... a rich Doctor!'

Marriage Two

Husband: Sweetheart, would you say that I'm the only man you've ever loved?
Wife: Of course you are. Why do all men ask me the same silly question?

After the Honeymoon

Rupert and Elaine, a young couple, got married and went happily on their honeymoon.

When they got back, Elaine immediately 'phoned her mother and her mother obviously asked, 'How was the honeymoon, dearest?'Ironing Board

'Oh, Ma,' she replied, 'the honeymoon was wonderful. So romantic...'

Then Elaine burst out crying. 'But, Ma, as soon as we returned home Rupert started using the most ghastly language... saying things I've never heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You've got to come get me and take me home.... Please Ma.'

'Calm down, Elaine!,' said her mother, 'Tell me, what could be so awful?  What 4-letter words?'

Still sobbing, Elaine whispered, 'Oh, Ma...words like dust, wash, cook, and iron.'

Going To Church

I didn't see you in church last Sunday, Perkins. I hear you were out playing football instead.

'That's not true, Vicar.  And I've got the fish to prove it.'

My Word, That's a Heavy Fish, Doc

Doctor Dermot Reid from Fareham in Hampshire, England, was famous in South Hants for always catching large fish and for winning fishing trophies.

One day while he was on one of his frequent fishing trips in the Test Valley he got a call that a woman at Cropper's Farm was giving birth.  He hurried to her aid and delivered a healthy baby boy.

The farmer had nothing to weigh the baby with so Doctor Reid used his fishing scales. The baby weighed 22 lbs 10 oz ............


Tags: Elaine, Marriage, Test, Valley, Hampshire, England, South, Hants, Ironing Board, Fareham, Vicar, honeymoon, gap, year, Hampshire, Fareham, Conservative Party (UK), Avian influenza, Department for Work and Pensions, George Hollingbery, Greenwich Mean Time, Mark Hoban, Meon Valley (UK Parliament constituency), Nigel Farage
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