Grandfather: There was once a time when I used to go with 2 Rupees in my pocket and I would come home with all groceries, bread, butter, milk, biscuits, newspaper etc...
Grandson: it's not possible to do so these days Grandpa... They've put CCTV everywhere 😂
HY & SR 👏👏👏👏
Two 90 year old men, Mike and Joe, have been friends all of their lives.
When it's clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day. One day Mike says, "Joe, we both loved cricket all our lives, and we played cricket on Saturdays together for so many years. Please do me one favour, when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's bat and ball there."
Joe looks up at Mike from his death bed," Mike, you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favour for you.
Shortly after that, Joe passes on.
At midnight a couple of nights later, Mike is awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him, "Mike--Mike."
"Who is it? asks Mike sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?"
"Mike--it's me, Joe."
"You're not Joe. Joe just died."
"I'm telling you, it's me, Joe," insists the voice."
"Joe! Where are you?"
"In heaven", replies Joe. "I have some really good news and a little bad news."
"Tell me the good news first," says Mike.
"The good news," Joe says," is that there's bat and ball in heaven. Better yet, all of our old friends who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we're all young again. Better still, it's always spring time and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play cricket all we want, and we never get tired."
That's fantastic," says Mike. "It's beyond my wildest dreams! So what's the bad news?
"You're in the team for this Saturday's match !!!"
😜😄
Friends rock! heaven or hell !!!!😂😂😂
. Do we know actual full form of some words???
🔗News paper =
North East West South past and present events report.
🔗Chess =
Chariot, Horse, Elephant, Soldiers.
🔗Cold =
Chronic Obstructive Lung Disease.
🔗Joke =
Joy of Kids Entertainment.
🔗Aim =
Ambition in Mind.
🔗Date =
Day and Time Evolution.
🔗Eat =
Energy and Taste.
🔗Tea =
Taste and Energy Admitted.
🔗Pen =
Power Enriched in Nib.
🔗Smile =
Sweet Memories in Lips Expression.
🔗Bye =
Be with you Everytime.
share these meanings as majority of us don't know these.👍👍
One of the sensible Joke
!⚡! Outside the Electricity Office !⚡!
One🍌Banana🍌vendor
was selling Banana
Electricity office Manager-
What's the price of Banana?
Vendor -
Let me know where you'll use ?
Manager - what do u mean? ! ! !
Vendor-
If u are taking to temple then its
Rs 10 per kg
To Orphanage
Rs 15 per kg
For school children
Rs 20 per kg
If u take home
Rs 25 per kg
And
For restaurant
Rs 30 per kg.....
Electricity officer- How can this be ..
All banana are same
Then why difference in price?
Vendor -
This is my tariff plan
Even you people from same pole give electricity but for home, shop, factory, you people charge different tariffs..
Electricity office manager still in Shock
😳⚡😳⚡😳⚡😳⚡😳
Brilliant story
A giant ship engine failed.
The ship's owners tried one expert after another, but none of them could figure but how to fix the engine.
Then they brought in an old man who had been fixing ships since he was a young.
He carried a large bag of tools with him, and when he arrived, he immediately went to work.
He inspected the engine very carefully, top to bottom.
Two of the ship's owners were there, watching this man, hoping he would know what to do.
After looking things over, the old man reached into his bag and pulled out a small hammer.
He gently tapped something.
Instantly, the engine lurched into life.
He carefully put his hammer away.
The engine was fixed!
A week later, the owners received a bill from the old man for Rs.100,000.
"What?!" the owners exclaimed. "He hardly did anything!"
So they wrote the old man a note saying, "Please send us an itemized bill."
The man sent a bill that read:
Tapping with a hammer.. . Rs. 2/-
Knowing where to tap... Rs 99,998/-
Moral of the story:
Effort is important, but knowing where to make an effort in your life, makes all the difference.
"Life doesn't change in ONE MINUTE, but taking decision after thinking for ONE MINUTE can change life."
Husband sent n sms to Wife:
Thanks for making my life wonderful and being a part of my life. What ever I am is only because of u, u r my angel thanks for coming into my life and making it worth living.
You're Great.
SHE REPLIED : Have u finished drinking? now stop messaging , keep your mouth shut & come home, don't get scared , I will not shout at you... Come home fast
Husband: Thank you.I am outside, please open the door!!😜
Happy Weekend
😂 Latest
Karan Jhohar, walked into a bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to Aliya at the bar and started looking at the TV.
The 10 pm, news started. The news crew was covering the story of a man on the top of a very tall building preparing to jump.....!
Aliya looked at Karan and said, " Karan...Do you think he will jump ?"...
Karan said, "You know, I bet, he will jump."
Aliya: "Well, I bet he won't....!!!"
Karan placed a 1000rs note on the table and said, "You're on !"
Just as Aliya placed her money on the table, the guy on the top jumped off the building, falling to his death...!
Aliya was very upset, but willingly handed her 1000rs note to Karan, saying, "Fair is fair. Here's your money...!"
Karan replied, "I can't take your money. I saw this earlier on TV at 5 pm news, and so I knew he would jump."
Now Aliya replied, "I did too, but didn't think he would do it again....!
Karan simply took the money.😂
Intelligent Husband
.
Wife was busy in packing her clothes.
.
Husband - Where are you going ?
.
Wife - I'm moving to my mother.
.
Husband also starts packing his clothes.
.
Wife - Now where are you going ?
.
Husband - I'm also moving to my mother.
.
Wife - And what about the kids ?
.
Husband - Well I guess ... If you are moving to your mother and I'm moving to my mother ... They should move to their mother.
.
Clothes unpacked.😉😄😄😃
☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀
Wife : "why are u home so early?"
Hubby : "My boss said go to hell!"
😆😋
◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆ ◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆
Doctor : How is ur headache ?
Patient : she's out of town.
😄
◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆ ◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆
Compromising does not mean you are wrong and your wife is right.
It only means that the safety of your head is much more important than your ego.
◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆ ◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆
Q - You know why women love shoes? 👠
Ans - Because no matter how much & whatever they eat , the shoes always fit.. 😜
◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆ ◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆
Q - Why can't Women Drive well? 🚗
Ans - Because there are so many mirrors in a car to distract them..
😁
◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆ ◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆
Q - Why can't Women stand a day in a Jungle? ⛺🎄
Ans - There are no Shopping Centers..
😉
◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆ ◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆
Q - How to save a Dying Woman?
Ans - Tell her about a 90% Sale going on somewhere..
😋
◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆ ◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆
Q - If a Woman is Quiet, which day is it?
Ans - Who Cares, just Enjoy that Day..
😂
◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆ ◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆
The woman who invented the phrase ...
"All men are the same"
was a Chinese woman who lost her husband in a crowd.
😝
◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆ ◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆
There are 3 kinds of men in this
world.
Some remain single and make
wonders happen.
Some have girlfriends and see wonders happen.
Rest get married and wonder what happened....
😜😜
◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆ ◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆
Wives are magicians........
They can change anything into an argument.
😆😜
◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆ ◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆
Women live a Better, Longer &
Peaceful Life, as compared to men.
WHY?
A very INTELLIGENT man replied:
Women don't have a wife!
😜😜😆😜
◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆ ◆◆◆◆◆◇◆◆◆◆◆
Send this to all men for a good laugh and to women who can handle it...
😃😄😀😛😜😝😉😎😍☺😘😊
The lawyer hopes you get into trouble..
The doctor hopes you fall ill..
The police hopes you become a criminal..
The teacher hopes you are born stupid..
The coffin maker wants you dead..
But
Only a Banker wishes you prosperity in life!!!
Because he never wishes your assets turn in to NPAs...
Respect the #banker.....
😀😀dedicated to all bankers...😊😄👍👍
😝
Jack and Max are walking to the church for the Sunday prayer..
Jack wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying.
Max replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?"
So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I smoke while I pray?"
The Priest replies, "No, my son, you may not! That's utter disrespect to our religion."
Jack goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Priest told him.
Max says, "I'm not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try."
And so Max goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I pray while I smoke?"
To which the Priest eagerly replies, "By all means, my son. By all means. You can always pray whenever you want to."
Moral of the story: The approval you want depends on the way u ask for it!!
Dedicated to all professionals !!
Two guys were walking through a jungle.
They saw a hungry tiger.
One of the guys tightened his shoe lace.
The other asked:- Do u really think u can run faster than tiger?
He replied:- I don't have to run faster than the tiger,
I just have to run faster than u.
That's today's
'CORPORATE WORLD'.
Trending romantic story for the day .
Boy (over phone ) : "I love you....will u not say the same to me ?"
Girl :" No "
Boy : "Please, I cannot live without you. Please say u too love me "
Girl : "No way "
Boy : "Ok. If this is ur final reply then I don't want to live. I will eat Maggi now "
Girl (little worried ) : " No..you will not do that "
Boy : "I have kept water for boiling "
Girl : "Please don't be mad "
Boy : "Water is boiled. Now I am putting Maggi masala"
Girl : "Please try to understand. For god sake don't do that "
Boy :" Now I am stirring masala in boiled water "
Girl (very much worried ) : " Oh my god "
Boy : "Now I will put Maggi noodles "
Girl(crying ) : " Stop. I never knew that you love me so much. So lucky I am. I love you I love you I love you.
(Thereafter they got married & lived happily forever)
What is fear.....😱
Unacceptance of uncertainty.
If we accept that uncertainty.
It becomes.....Adventure 😎
What is envy 😒
Unacceptance of good in others
If we accept that good,
It becomes........inspiration 👑👏☺
What is Anger 😡
Unacceptance of things which are beyond our control.
If we accept..... It becomes.....Tolerance 😌☺
What is hatred😬
Unacceptance of person as he is. If we accept person unconditionally, it becomes ......Love😍
It's a matter of acceptance.... It's a matter of attitude..!!!
Male criteria for life partner...
They expect their women to Look like "Miss Universe" and
Work like "muniyamma..."
😘
Females' criteria for life partner.... They expect their man to earn like ...Ambani & behave like Manmohan Singh.😷😷😷
Dedicated to all couples 😂
Thousand Years ago..
people sacrificing their friends, family, fun, food, laughter, sleep & other joys of life were called
"SANYASEES"
Now they are called
"EMPLOYEES..."
😜😜😜 😂😂😂
In the morning, wife asked for newspaper ..
Husband - How backward you are... The world has progressed so much and you are asking for newspaper? Here, have my iPad ....
Wife killed the cockroach with the iPad....
Husband unconscious ...😳
Moral of the Story:
Whatever wife asks..., GIVE!!!😜
Wife comes home late at night
and quietly opens the door to her bedroom.
From under the blanket
she sees four legs instead of two!
She reaches for a baseball bat
and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can.
Once she's done,
she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.
As she enters,
she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. :s
"hi darling", he says,
"your parents have come to visit us,
so I let them stay in our bedroom.
Hope you have said hello to them… 😛
Once a Man asked GOD..
Why you don't fulfill my wishes if you are everywhere..?
GOD replied..
I am like WiFi my Child..
I am available everywhere but you need to connect with me with a Correct Password..
And the "password" is : FAITH..🙏 😄👍
Good Morning and have a Great Day.
Nice story......
There was a farmer who grew excellent quality corn. Every year he won the award for the best grown corn.🌽🌽🌽
One year a newspaper reporter interviewed him and learned something interesting about how he grew it. The reporter discovered that the farmer shared his seed corn with his neighbors. "How can you afford to share your best seed corn with your neighbors when they are entering corn in competition with yours each year?" the reporter asked.
"Why sir," said the farmer, "Didn't you know? The wind picks up pollen from the ripening corn and swirls it from field to field. If my neighbours grow inferior corn, cross-pollination will steadily degrade the quality of my corn. If I am to grow good corn, I must help my neighbours grow good corn."
So is with our lives... Those who want to live meaningfully and well must help enrich the lives of others, for the value of a life is measured by the lives it touches. And those who choose to be happy must help others find happiness, for the welfare of each is bound up with the welfare of all...
-Call it power of collectivity...
-Call it a principle of success...
-Call it a law of life.
The fact is, none of us truly wins, until we all win!!
Must read ! Enriches our thoughts !!
.........Ducks Quack, while Eagles Soar!
I was waiting in line for a ride at the airport. When a cab pulled up, the first thing I noticed was that the taxi was polished to a bright shine. Smartly dressed in a white shirt, black tie, and freshly pressed black slacks, the cab driver jumped out and rounded the car to open the back passenger door for me.
He handed me a laminated card and said: 'I'm Wasu, your driver. While I'm loading your bags in the trunk I'd like you to read my mission statement.'
Taken aback, I read the card. It said: Wasu's Mission Statement:
To get my customers to their destination in the quickest, safest and cheapest way possible in a friendly environment.
This blew me away. Especially when I noticed that the inside of the cab matched the outside. Spotlessly clean!
As he slid behind the wheel, Wasu said, 'Would you like a cup of coffee? I have a thermos of regular and one of decaf.'
I said jokingly, 'No, I'd prefer a soft drink.'
Wasu smiled and said, 'No problem. I have a cooler up front with regular and Diet Coke, lassi, water and orange juice.'
Almost stuttering, I said, 'I'll take a Lassi.'
Handing me my drink, Wasu said, 'If you'd like something to read, I have The Hindu, Times of India, ET and India Today.'
As they were pulling away, Wasu handed me another laminated card, 'These are the stations I get and the music they play, if you'd like to listen to the radio.'
And as if that weren't enough, Wasu told me that he had the air conditioning on and asked if the temperature was comfortable for him.
Then he advised me of the best route to my destination for that time of day. He also let me know that he'd be happy to chat and tell me about some of the sights or, if I preferred, to leave me with my own thoughts.
'Tell me, Wasu,' I was amazed and asked him, 'have you always served customers like this?'
Wasu smiled into the rear view mirror. 'No, not always. In fact, it's only been in the last two years. My first five years driving, I spent most of my time complaining like all the rest of the cabbies do. Then I heard about power of choice one day.'
'Power of choice is that you can be a duck or an eagle.'
'If you get up in the morning expecting to have a bad day, you'll rarely disappoint yourself. Stop complaining!'
'Don't be a duck. Be an eagle. Ducks quack and complain. Eagles soar above the crowd.'
'That hit me right,' said Wasu.
'It is about me. I was always quacking and complaining, so I decided to change my attitude and become an eagle. I looked around at the other cabs and their drivers. The cabs were dirty, the drivers were
unfriendly, and the customers were unhappy. So I decided to make some changes. I put in a few at a time. When my customers responded well, I did more.'
'I take it that has paid off for you,' I said.
'It sure has,' Wasu replied. 'My first year as an eagle, I doubled my income from the previous year. This year I'll probably quadruple it. My customers call me for appointments on my cell phone or leave a message on it.'
Wasu made a different choice. He decided to stop quacking like ducks and start soaring like eagles.
Have an eagle week..next week... And next...And....
😃
A great Thought..
"You don't die if you fall in water, you die only if you don't swim.
Thats the real meaning of life .
Try being an Eagle always..
👍👍👍🌷
😇 Our society Watchman Was Drinking On Duty.
I Asked Him :
Why?
He Replied-
"Security Must Be Tight..."
😜🍻🍺😜
United State Air Force has a high security, super secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51?"
One afternoon, a Cessna landed at this "secret" base. The aircraft was immediately impounded & the pilot was interrogated.
The pilot's story was that - he took off from Vegas, got lost & spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel.
The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot & held him overnight during the investigation.
By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really was lost & wasn't a spy.
They re fueled his airplane, threatened him that if he lands again he would spend the rest of his life in prison, and let him go.
The next day, to the total disbelief of the Air Force personnel, the same Cessna landed there again.
Once again, the MP's surrounded the plane ... only this time there were two people in the plane.
The same pilot jumped out & said:
"Do anything you want - to me, but my wife is in the plane & you have to tell her ... where I was last night!"
Uffffffff Wives !!
😄😄😋😜😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Nice story......
There was a farmer who grew excellent quality corn. Every year he won the award for the best grown corn.🌽🌽🌽
One year a newspaper reporter interviewed him and learned something interesting about how he grew it. The reporter discovered that the farmer shared his seed corn with his neighbors. "How can you afford to share your best seed corn with your neighbors when they are entering corn in competition with yours each year?" the reporter asked.
"Why sir," said the farmer, "Didn't you know? The wind picks up pollen from the ripening corn and swirls it from field to field. If my neighbours grow inferior corn, cross-pollination will steadily degrade the quality of my corn. If I am to grow good corn, I must help my neighbours grow good corn."
So is with our lives... Those who want to live meaningfully and well must help enrich the lives of others, for the value of a life is measured by the lives it touches. And those who choose to be happy must help others find happiness, for the welfare of each is bound up with the welfare of all...
-Call it power of collectivity...
-Call it a principle of success...
-Call it a law of life.
The fact is, none of us truly wins, until we all win!!
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Self-discipline is your ability to get yourself to take action irrespective of your emotional state.Self-discipline is like a muscle. The more you train it, the stronger you become.
😊👍One day, during an evening class for adults, the psychology Teacher entered the class and told students, "Let's all play a game!" " What Game?"
The Teacher asked one of the students to volunteer.
A lady, Aliza came forward.
The Teacher asked her to write 30 names of most important people in her life on blackboard.
Aliza wrote names of her family members, relatives, friends, her colleagues and her neighbors.
The Teacher told her to erase 3 names that Aliza considered most unimportant.
Aliza erased names of her colleagues.
The Teacher again told her to delete 5 more names. Aliza erased her neighbor's names.
This went on until there were just four names left on the blackboard. These were names of her mother, father, husband and the only son...
The entire class became silent realizing that this wasn't a game anymore for Aliza alone.
Now, The Teacher told her to delete two more names.
It was a very difficult choice for Aliza.
She unwillingly deleted her parents names.
"Please delete one more" said the Teacher.
Aliza became very nervous and with trembling hands and rears in eyes she deleted her son's name. Aliza cried painfully...
The Teacher told Aliza to take her seat.
After a while Teacher asked "why your husband?? The parents are the ones that nurtured you, and the son is the one you gave birth to ??? And you can always find another husband !!!"
Total silence in the class.
Everyone was curious to know her response.
Aliza calmly and slowly said, "One day my parents will pass away before me.
My son may also leave me when he grows old, for his studies or business or whatever reason. The only one who will truly share his entire life with me, is my Husband".
All the students stood up and applauded for her for sharing this truth of life.👏👏👏
This is true. So always value your life partner, it's not only for husbands but wives as well.
God has united these two souls and it's on you now to nurture this relationship above all.
In a factory: A man standing on the floor and looking aimlessly without doing any work......
CEO of that factory came and asked his salary...
Man replied "5000 sir"
CEO took out his wallet and gave 15000 and told him...
"I pay people here to work and not to waste time, This is your 3 months salary.
Now get out of here. Never come back"
That guy left.............
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Then CEO asked workers "Who was that guy?"
Workers replied "Pizza delivery Boy Sir".. 🍕🍕🍕🍕🍕
😜😜😄😄
Moral: Don't overreact in every situation!😂😂😂.
Do what you like...
Take what you want...
Live in your own way...
Never bother...
What people would say...
Bcoz you do it or not...
People had always something to say...
One day a man was walking home along a river next to an industrial area. This river was completely polluted, filthy and smelly. As he was walking, the man saw a shimmering in the river and when he looked, he saw a diamond necklace. He decided to get it. He put his hand in the filthy, dirty river and grabbed at the necklace, but somehow missed it and didn't catch it. He took his hand out and looked again and the necklace was still there. He tried again, this time he walked in the river and dirtied his pants in the filthy river and put his whole arm in to catch the necklace. But strangely, he still missed the necklace!
He came out and started walking away, feeling depressed.
Then again he saw the necklace, right there. This time he was determined to get it, no matter what. He decided to plunge into the river, although it was a disgusting thing to do as the river was polluted, and his whole body would become filthy. He plunged in, and searched everywhere for the necklace and yet he failed. This time he was really bewildered and came out feeling very depressed that he could not get the necklace.
Just then a saint who was walking by, saw him, and asked him what the matter was. The man didn't want to tell the saint, thinking the saint might take the necklace for himself.
So, he refused to tell the saint anything. But the saint could see this man was troubled and being compassionate, again asked the man to tell him the problem and promised that he would not tell anyone about it. The man mustered some courage and decided to put some faith in the saint. He told the saint about the necklace and how he tried and tried to catch it, but kept failing.
The saint then told him that perhaps he should try looking upward, towards the branches of the tree, instead of in the filthy river. The men looked up and true enough; the necklace was dangling on the branch of a tree. He had been trying to capture a mere reflection of the real necklace all this time.
Material happiness is like searching in the filthy, polluted river; because it is just a mere reflection of TRUE happiness.
A tiger was getting married and all animals attended the wedding . Every animal stood at distance and wished the tiger
A cat came and climbed to the stage and danced nicly then extended his hand to wish the tiger
The tiger roared in rage and said how dare you come on the stage? Even the panther is maintaining its distance and you climbed the stage.
The cat replied and after listening to that the tiger fainted. What would have the cat said ???
Any guess???
The cat said "Oh shut up buddy, even I was a
tiger before marriage"
😝
Russian photographer Murad Osmann is travelling the world with his girl friend Nataly Zakharova. He clicks photographs of Nataly in front of world famous monuments where she is seen grabing his hand and pulling him closer. The photo series is named # "Follow Me". The series is a hit on Instagram and other online forums. Recently the couple was in India. See what they created....... India looks so beautiful
1. I learnt to operate 3 critical machines
* Scanner
* Printer
* Xerox Machine
2. I learnt to use 3 High End Software:
* Microsoft Word
* Microsoft Excel
* Microsoft PowerPoint
3. I learnt to use 3 great short cuts:-
* Ctrl+C
* Ctrl+V
* Ctrl+S
4. I learnt to say three very important words for professional life:-
* Yes sir
* Ok sir.
* I'll Just Do That sir
5. When I really wanted to quit, I learnt to: -
* Wake Up early
* Sleep late
* Continue to Work
6. I learnt to: -
* Face Monday
* Fight For next 5 Days
* Wait For Sunday
7. I learnt to give reasons to family, friends and relatives for not making
* Phone Calls
* Messages
* Mails
8. I learnt to celebrate these things far away from loved ones:-
* Birthday
* New Year
* Festivals
9. At the end, People say:-
* You Learnt...
* You Earned...
* You Enjoyed...
10. But when I compare me with my self...
* I just Sustained...
* I just Tolerated...
* I just Survived... for bucks
11. I have survived:-
* For convenience of my Family...
* To avoid blame of Society...
* To get tag of Employment...
12. When I already knew that I have got the wrong train.
* I learnt to Rejoice...
* To be Happy...
* To Smile..
In corporate companies life exists only in dreams . . . . .😃😃😃
Arnab Goswami:- PM sir; which fruit do you like?
Modi:- Apple
Reporter:- Breaking news---
Modi does not like Mangoes; Banana; Peru; etc.
Let's ask Congress their views on this.
Manish Tewari:- Modi like Apple means Red color.
This means he likes bloodshed
This means he does not want peace and harmony in the country
Ahmed Patel:- This means Modi is only promoting Hindutva.
He does not like green fruits means he is against Muslims.
This clearly shows Modi has no feelings for Muslims.
Nitish Kumar:- This attitude of Modi is what made us split from NDA
Rahul Gandhi:- Modi never says which chocolate he likes.
The Nation has the right to know this.
Sonia Gandhi:- People of India please ask from where
Modi is going to get the money to buy such an expensive fruit.
Geelani:- This is Modi's tactic to usurp Kashmir.
We will not allow this to happen.
Yechuri:- Selecting an expensive fruit like Apple shows Modi is pro- capitalist
Kejriwal:- Traditionally Mango is considered the King of Fruits.
Modi is anti tradition. This is against the interest of the aam aadmi.
Laloo Prasad:- Yeh Modiya to bimaar hai.
Apple khanae say theek nahi hoga
Foreign Media:- Modi's communal policies are hurting the secular fabric of India.
😂😂😂😆
In a ladies KITTY PARTY MEETING :
The host asked a question !
When did u last say
I LOVE YOU to ur husbands ??
One said..today..
other said...2 days back.....someone said...1 week back...
Host said " Now, all of u send I LOVE YOU ..msg to ur husbands.
Whoever gets AWESOME reply will get a SURPRISE GIFT..".
Everyone sent I LOVE U msg to their husbands.
After sometime, HUSBANDs replies are as below.....
1) SWEETY.... Is ur health condition Ok??? 😝😝😝😝
2) Haven't u cooked today too?😊😊
3) Darling, R u out of balance for money given for home maintenance?
4) What's the matter??
5) R u dreaming or am I?
6)Did u like someone's Jewelry in the function u attended today?💍😄
7) I am already tensed in Office n now u r sending msgs like this... do u have brain?? 😥😥😥😥
8) How many times did I tell you not to watch those serials ?? 😛😛😛
9) Oho..did u make an accident again? 😳😳😳😳😳
10) Should I pick kids from school today also?? 😀😀😀😀
and last one who won SURPRISE GIFT, msg is........
11) who is dis sending msg frm my wife mobile???
😳😳..👫🙏🙏🙏 dont laugh alone pass it on.
18+ 😁
A Delhi mother was lucky enough to see her 3 daughters get married the same year, so she called them after the wedding and told them
"Dont forget to text me your first night experience and text it in code"
So....... after a week, the 1st daughter texted
"NESCAFE"
and the next week the 2nd daughter text
"WILLS"
the mother being an intelligent woman went to get a Nescafe tin and read the label
"fantastic till the last drop"
went to her husband's pack of WILLS cigarette and read
"Extra long, king size"
she smiled and said "not bad for their ages".
After the next week, the 3rd daughter texted
"Indigo Delhi Hyderabad",
the mother then called Indigo airways helpdesk to enquire about their Delhi Hyderabad flight and they replied
"it's 5times daily, 7days a week, both ways and the flight duration is 75mins".
Mother fainted🙆
😂😂😂😂😂😂
A tiger was getting married and all animals attended the wedding . Every animal stood at distance and wished the tiger
A cat came and climbed to the stage and danced nicly then extended his hand to wish the tiger
The tiger roared in rage and said how dare you come on the stage? Even the panther is maintaining its distance and you climbed the stage.
The cat replied and after listening to that the tiger fainted. What would have the cat said ???
Any guess???
The cat said "Oh shut up buddy, even I was a
tiger before marriage"
😝
Q. What is the gender of Maggi?
a) MALE b) FEMALE
Ans. a) MALE. Because MAGGI get ready in 2 minutes...!!
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
NEW TEACHER : all students introduce ur name
and hobbies!
1st boy : my name is nitesh nd my hobby is
watching moon
2nd boy : my name is sandy and hobby is
watching moon
3rd boy: my name is khan & my hobby is watching moon
all boys told their different names but hobby was
same
TEACHER : good all boys have same hobby
now its girl's turn,
.
.
1st girl : hi my name is moon
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
A health tip for all who are guilty of having fed their children Maggi for a long time and fear the ill effects of lead. Give them the juice of coriander leaves at least thrice a week. Whip some leaves of coriander in water, add some sugar(lesser the better). Coriander is a very powerful food that helps chelate(draw out) toxic metals from the body including aluminium. Help the millions of children who may be affected. PASS THIS ON..
After ban on Maggie, 🍝
90% girls on matrimony sites removed "cooking" as a hobby/expertise.
😂😂
Class Attendance
School Name: Life
Class: 40 th Std (All students are above 40 years)
Anger - Present sir
Anxiety - Present sir
Boredom - Present sir
Desires - Present sir (in full volume)
Frustration - Present sir
Monthly EMI - Present sir (in full volume)
Office Tension - Present sir
Sadness - Present sir
Worries - Present sir
Uncertainties - Present sir
Happiness - ??? (no sound)
Happiness - ???
Happiness - Absent sir
Peace of mind - Absent sir
Contentment - Absent sir
Class teacher: In life, there is nothing called sadness. Either Happiness Present or Happiness Absent.
Life is very simple to live, but many find it difficult to be simple.
Make it Simple!
Have a fabulous Life
Brilliant words -
"The amount of money that's in your bank at the time of death, is the extra work you did which was not necessary"
Enjoy life!!!!👍👍
Super Insults:
Maths Teacher: When I was your age I used to get 100 marks
Student: Yes, you might have .some good maths teacher might have taught you
😜😜😜
~~~~~~~~|~~~~~~~~~~~
A letter from a teacher to a parent:
Dear Parent,
Kumar doesn't smell nice in class. Please try to Bathe him.
Parent's answer:
Dear Teacher, Kumar is not a rose, Dont smell him,Teach him......
😂😂😂
~~~~~~~~~|~~~~~~~~~~~
Father: what is ur Result.........?? . . .
Son: Headmster's son failed, . . .
Father: then you...?? . . .
Son: Doctor's son too faild, . . .
Father: bt what for you....?? . . .
Son:then advocate's son also faild , . . .
Father: idiot, i asked yours? . . . .
Son: so dad,you are not Rajnikant , your son too failed ..
😝😝😝😝😝😝
~~~~~~~~~~|~~~~~~~~~~
Mother to Son:
Who is Tipu Sultan?
Son : I don't know 😏
Mother: Focus on your studies 👀
Son to Mother : Who is Rosy aunty?
Mother : I don't know
Son : Then focus on Papa
😝😜😜😜😜😜😜😜
~~~~~~~~|~~~~~~~~~~
A cute xcuse:
Teacher-Y r u late?
Student-Mom & dad were fighting.
Teacher-so wht mks U late if dey wr fightng?
Student-1shoe was in mom's hand and one in dad's..
😂😂😝😜
🎉💐🍻🎭🎷🌾🌾💃😃😜😜😜😂😂😂😂👌👌👍👍
~~~~~~~~~~|~~~~~~~~~
👆Girl: wat's d price of galaxy grand??
Salesman: Rs.18,000/-
Girl: "bapre"
Girl: and iphone?? . .
Salesman: "bapre"+"bapre"+"bapre"
Girl: 😨😠😡
Salesman: 😆😝😂
---------------~|~------------
Innovative India:
An American asked a Indian child, "How old are you ?"
Child replied:
In house 11,
In School 12,
In Bus 10,
In Train 7 &
In Facebook 18...!!!😜😜
---------------:--:------------
Wife : I hate that beggar.
Husband : Why ?
Wife : Rascal, yesterday
I gave him food today he gave me a book
How to Cook !!!
😄😃😜😝👌😂😜😃😄😁
~~~~~~~~~~|~~~~~~~~~
One kid after getting a nice slap from his mom...
Pappa, Have you been to Pakistan?
No dear...
Pappa Have you been to Afghanistan?
No my dear.... Then from where did you pickup this terrorist item from???? 😭😅😅😂😂😂
A wise lawyer yesterday argued in Supreme Court that if physical relation with wife, without her consent, is termed as rape then....... Shopping without husband's consent should b termed as Robbery.....
The judge is still recovering....... 😜😜😜😜
NEW TEACHER : all students introduce ur name
and hobbies!
1st boy : my name is nitesh nd my hobby is
watching moon
2nd boy : my name is sandy and hobby is
watching moon
3rd boy: my name is khan & my hobby is watching moon
all boys told their different names but hobby was
same
TEACHER : good all boys have same hobby
now its girl's turn,
.
.
1st girl : hi my name is moon
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
To be successful….
Know Your G.P.M. - (Goal + Plan + Measurements)
Goal: What do You want to do.
Plan: How you are going to do.
Measurement: What to Measure When.
An engg student had a crush on his classmate.
.
.
.
One fine day he proposed her.
.
.
.
😍😍
.
.
But she rejected and threatened that she would complain to the principal if he ever bothered her again. 😵😵😵
.
And the boy remains silent for rest of the days.
😕😑
.
.
Some days later the girl borrows a book from that boy and
...
.
.
writes in it
.
.
" I love u too. Sorry to hurt you the other day. If you forgive me, please come and speak to me."
.
.
.
Four years passed,
...
.
.
But.....
the boy never approached the girl again.
.
MORAL: Engg Boys never open their books!😜
Dont laugh alone, pass it on.....👹👹😂😂😂😂😂😂 😃😊
Good Morning
Eye Donation
Anyone can pledge eyes
Eyes may be donated only after death.
Eyes may be removed only by a trained doctor.
Nearest eye bank should be informed immediately.
Eyes must be removed within 4-6 hours after death.
Eye removal does not leads to any disfigurement in eye.
One pair of eyes gives vision to TWO corneal blind people.
Eye removal process is simple and takes only 10 to 15 minutes.
The eyes can be pledged to any eye bank preferably the nearest one.
The identities of both the donor and the recipient remain confidential.
A small quantity of blood will be drawn to rule out communicable diseases.
The eye bank team may remove eyes at home of the deceased or at a hospital.
Only the transparent section of the eyes called cornea is taken out and not the full eye ball.
Eyes donated to The Eye-Bank that are not medically suitable for transplant may be used for medical research and education.
👌Tooo good....
must read....
👤🔑🎩💼👓
■ How important
is a father in one's life?
Mothers are the Soul of our homes... whereas fathers are their very existence.
But have we ever given much thought to the nature of this
existence?
Little is written or said about fathers, even though we understand their value in our lives.
We hardly ever hear anyone talk about fathers. ..
Mothers are made of an ocean of tears. Fathers are a wall of self-control.
Mothers relieve their pain through tears, fathers only console, and it is harder to console than it is to cry.
Surely the candlestick is hotter than the flame, yet
it is always the flame which gets the praise.
We remember mothers as the ones who took care of our daily needs, yet how easily we forget fathers, who arrange finances for daily needs!
Mothers can cry uncontrollably in public, and fathers sob in their pillows at night.
Mothers are allowed to cry; fathers can never be seen in tears.
We can notice the patches on his shoes. His tattered vest is a sure sign of the struggle he gone through. His unshaven beard is a sign of his frugality. He will buy new pairs of expensive jeans for his children, while an old pair of pyjamas will do for him.
While children don't blink an eyelid when they spend 1000's of Rs in a beauty parlour or salon, yet in their own home, a father may be using whatever is at home to avoid any salon or parlour visits.
When a father is ill, he does
not rush to the doctor. He does not fear his illness
but is afraid in case the doctor tells him to rest for a month, as there will be no other bread earner in the family.
Whether he can afford it
or not, he works hard to get his son admitted to an
engineering or medical course.
Despite the shortage of funds he send money regularly to his child at university even some children go on a gala spending spree on the same day the money arrives.
The Father is the existence of the
home. The home is secure from outsiders when a father, in the form of its manger, is alive. He holds the position of the chief executive of the household. He sees, repairs and cares for jobs around the house.
When you announce your exam results, it seems that mother is the closest person to you because she takes you in her arms, praises you and blesses you, but no one notices the father who quietly slips away to the sweet shop to get sweets to distribute among family and friends...
God made paradise under the feet of your mother but he made the father take care of the thorns under your feet....
♢ Salute to All Fathers
of the world.
What an adorable son...
A son took his old father to a restaurant for dinner.
Father being very old and shaky, while eating, dropped food on his shirt and trouser.
Others were watching.
After he finished eating, his son who was not at all embarrassed,
quietly took him to the wash room, wiped the food particles, removed the stains, combed his hair and fitted his specs firmly and cleaned up everything.
The whole crowd was watching them quietly. The son settled the bill and they were slowly walking out.
At that point of time,
an old man amongst the diners
called the son and asked him whether he had left anything behind?
The son replied in the negative.
The old man said,
"you have left a good Impression"
…The place echoed with claps!
We all forward jokes and other messages...pls forward this message to all your friends and request them to forward it to their friends too.
VERY IMPORTANT: ☝
Max Temperatures recorded in some Indian cities:
☀Lucknow 47 degrees
☀Delhi 47 degrees
☀Agra 45 degrees
☀Nagpur 46 degrees
☀Kota 48 degrees
☀Hyderabad 45 degrees
☀Pune 42 degrees
☀Ahmedabad 46 degrees
Next years these cities will cross 50 degrees. Even AC or fan will not save you in summer..
Why is it so hot ?????
☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀☀
In last 10 years over 10 crore trees were cut for different purposes.
🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳But not more than a lakh trees has been planted by govt. or public.
How to make India cool ?????
☔☔☔☔☔☔☔☔☔☔
Please do not wait for government to plant trees.
Sowing seeds or planting trees does not cost much.
🌳🌲🌿🌳🌲🌳
Just collect seeds of fruits like Mango, Lemon, Jamun, Neem, Custard Apple, Jack fruit, etc.
🍏🍋🍒🍇🍐🍍🍈🍑
Then dig two-three inch hole on open spaces, roadside, footpaths, highways, gardens and also in your society or bungalow.
Bury these seeds in each hole with soil and then water them every two days in summer.
🚿🚿🚿🚿🚿🚿🚿🚿🚿🚿
In rainy season no need to water them.
After 15 to 30 days small plants will be born.
🌱🌱🌱🌱🌱🌱🌱🌱🌱🌱
Please nurture them and ensure they grow big.
Let us make this a National movement and plant 10 crore trees all over India.
🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳
We should stop temperature from crossing 50 degrees.....
⏬⏬⏬⏬
Please plant maximum trees and forward this message to everyone. Lets distribute saplings as return gifts during functions, birthdays etc. 🌴🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳
I asked my new girlfriend what sort of books she's interested in.
She said - Cheque books.
*****
The easiest way to make your old car run better, is to check the prices of new car.
*****
Q: What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A: A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.
*****
Definition of Nurse : A beautiful woman who holds your hand for one full minute and then expects your pulse to be normal.
*****
Boss:- We are very keen on cleanliness. Did you wipe your feet on the mat as you came in?
New employee: Yes, sir.
Boss: We are also keen on truthfulness. There is no mat.
*****
Q: Why dogs don't marry?
A: Because they are already leading a dog's life!
*****
Q: What's the similarity between mother & wife?
A: One woman brings you into the world crying & the other ensures you continue to do so.
*****
😃😃😃
Keep smiling!!
🐢Tortoise and a Rabbit🐰wrote an entrance exam, 📝 🐢Tortoise got 80%, 🐰Rabbit got 81%.
Both went for 🏦admission to an engineering college,
Cut-off needed was 85%. 😱😨
😾Rabbit didn't get admission, but the Tortoise got admission. 🙀
How?🙊
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
...
.....
...
...
..
....
.....
.....
.....
...
...
😦U remember when we were in the 😥1st standard, the tortoise won a race.
😂Sports quota ... 5% marks extra 😜😃😈
Tortoise rocks 😎....
U get shocks! 😌...
Forward this soon ... it's new arrival...🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢😜😛😛😛😝😝😜😜. Keep laughing
Bank Employee: sir I have not linked my account to Aadhar. But I still got gas subsidy.
HR department: that's not the gas subsidy. That's your 10th bipartite arrear !! 😂😂😂😂
List of cool places in Chennai...
SBI ATM.
ICICI ATM.
HDFC ATM.
IDBI ATM..
SYNDICATE BANK ATM.
CORP BANK ATM
FEDERAL BANK ATM.
AXIS BANK ATM..
BANK OF BARODA ATM.
After the Bjp won election with full majority on 16 May 2014, one Modi fan fainted with happiness and then went into coma...
After 12 month he suddenly he woke up from coma...
Returning to senses he asked the following
question to the attending doctor...
How do you feel in corruption free India?
Robert Vadra is in which jail?
Rahul and Sonia are in jail or escaped to Italy?
Should I book ticket for bullet train to Lucknow or should I go by plane?
How much black money was got from Swiss banks?
Are we getting dollar for 35 rupees?
How happy are Indians after Modiji subsidized and freed cooking gas, vegetables, tomatoes,
onions, potatoes ?
After removing article 370 what happened?
After Pakistan getting frightened and returning Dawood, what happened to him?
Are the farmers happy at being returned the
land forcibly acquired by congress?
Listening to these questions the poor doctor has
gone into coma...
A 24year Old boy seeing out from the Train's
window shouted :
"Dad, look the
trees are going behind!"
Dad smiled and a young Couple sitting
nearby,
looked at the 24year Old's
Childish behaviour with Pity.
Suddenly he again Exclaimed. .
"Dad look the clouds are
running with Us!"
The couple couldn't resist & said tothe old
Man : "why don't you take your Son to a
good Doctor?"
The Old man smiled & Said : "I did and we
are just coming from the hospital, my son
was blind from birth, he just got his eyes
today."
.
.
MORAL : Every Single Person On The Planet
Has a Story, Don't Judge People Before You
Truly Know Them.
The Truth Might Surprise
You. !!!!
_______________________
Dont forget to share
Really superb example well written
Question : What is the truest definition of Globalization ?
Answer : Princess Diana's death .
Question : How come ?
Answer :An English princess with an
Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a
French tunnel, driving a
German car with a
Dutch engine, driven by a
Belgian who was drunk on
Scottish whisky: followed closely by
Italian Paparazzis in
Japanese motorcycles; treated by an
American doctor, using
Brazilian medicines.
And moreover this is sent to you by an
INDIAN,
using
American technology, and you're probably reading this on your iPhone or Android or Windows phone or blackberry , that use
Taiwanese chips, and a
Korean screen, assembled by
Bangladeshi workers inn a
Singapore plant, transported by
PAKISTANI lorry-drivers, .... . That is
✔Globalisation...
Meaning of whatsapp emoticons
😘enaku ethu pudichuruku
😚kiss
😜yemathetenye
😝 kalaikarathu
😛aiyo bulb
😄aha paruvala
😊hehe
☺achoda
😉chumma
😍wow alagu
😳surprised
😁ohh...palma kadikuren
😔nan pavam ilaya
😌pothum
😒nothing
😞oneum ila
😢pocgu
😂enala mudiyala
😭cryin
😰so hot
😩pasikethe
😱ayyoo
😠Ene sola vaikatha
😤haach
😆haha ..apad vaenum
😋enna tasteu
😷nan vayathorakala
😎hai
😴gonna sleep
😟kashtam
😯Oooff
😇kadavulae
😏etho
😬ayyea..
🙈nan pakala
🙉nan kaekala
🙊 bad smell-vaya muditen
🔥 he is on fire
👀pathiya
👅kari nakka
👍good luck
👌super
👊vanguva
✌victory
👋tata
✋salaam
👐naila varuva
👆onnu
👉thodava
🙌potuka
🙏namaskaram
☝out
👏kalakki
💪gym body
🚶ipo varen
🏃odikoo
💭dream
💌luv letter
🌀thala suthuthu
👯laa lalaaa
🙆pochae-yematheteya
🙅kudatha
🙋nanum varen
🙇yosikuren
⛅good morning
☔its raining
👻Lottery adichu
🎁gift
🎊🎉🎈happy birthday
🎄hapy christmas
🎆hapy diwali
📢priyapeta nanbargalae
⏰time achu
🔒lock
🔋batry chargilla
🛀bathing
🚬smoking
🔫will kill u
💊medicine poteya
💴cash venam
📲calling
📧check ur mail
📮had a post
📦got parcel
✂inaugration
📖reading books
🎬at cinema
🎵hearing songs
🏊Swimming
☕hav a tea
🍻 at party
🍹at restaurent
🍟at fastfood
🍚having food
🎂birthday wishes
🏠at home
✈will go foreign
🚗,🚲was driving
🚦 🚚🚛🚖🚗 trafic
Don't try to understand everything. Sometimes it is not meant to be understood, just accepted." "Don't put the keys to your happiness in someone else's pocket."
Einstein & an indian sitting next to each other on a long Flight.......✈
Einstein says:
"Let's play a game....
I will ask you a question,
if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5💰💵 and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500💰💰💰💵💵..."
Einstein asks the first question:
What's the distance from the Earth to the Moon...?🌕🌏
INDIAN : didn't say a word, instead reaches his pocket, pulls out a $5 and gave to him.
Now...
It's the INDIAN's turn...
He asks Einstein:
What climbs up a hill on 3 legs and comes down on 4 legs..?😜😜😉
Einstein searches the net....; and asks all his smart friends...
After an hour he gives INDIAN $500...
Einstein asks:
Well...so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four..?
INDIAN reaches his pocket and gives Einstein $5...
Einstein fainted.....
😝
Moral:
You may be Einstein...
But never underestimate INDIAN😜😜😆😆
A Lady on telephone: 📞Hello Sir, I want to meet & talk to you..
Man: do u know me.. 😔
Lady: Yes you are the father of one of my kids😊
Man stunned,😳
Oh my God!😱 Are u Sangeeta???? 😨 No ☺ Are U Meenakshee ??? 😨 No ☺ Are u Nisha? 😨 No ☺ Sakshi? 😨 No ☺ Monika? 😨No ☺ Anushka? 😨 No ☺ Mitali?😳 No ☺ Vaishali? 😨 No
Lady in confusion...😳No sir i'm the class teacher of your son.. . 😁😛Rocking question 😍shocking answer 😝😂
This puzzle is called Lateral Thinking...
Just Check It Out!
Scroll down slowly and be honest to yourself. Think like a wizard;
man
1. ------------
board
Ans. = man onboard
Okay, let's see if you've got the hang of it.
stand
2. ------------
i
Ans. = I understand
OK...
Got the drift? Let's try a few now and see how you perform?
3. /r/e/a/d/i/n/g/
Ans. = reading between the lines
R
4. Road
A
D
Ans. = cross road
Not having a good day now, are you?
Redeem yourself.
5. cyclecyclecycle
Ans. = tricycle
Easy to figure out, ha!!!
0
6. _________
M.D.Ph.D.
Ans. = two degrees below zero (-2°)
C'mon give it a little thought !!!
knee
7. ------------
light
Ans. = neon light ( knee - on - light )
I'm sure you'll have no problem getting this one.
ground
8. ---------------
feet feet feet feet feet feet
Ans. = six feet underground
Good One, try this!!!
9. he's / himself
Ans. = he's by himself
Here's an easy one!!
10. ecnalg
Ans. = backward glance
Not even close ??? !!!
11. death ..... life
Ans. = Life after Death
Okay last chance .
12. THINK
Ans. = think big ! !
And the last one is very funny- - -
13. Ababaaabbbbaaaabbbbababaabbaaabbbb...
Ans. = long time no 'C'
😜😜😜
Dedicated to all our intelligent lovely People
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
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