Wife in a Party

At a Dinner Party..

One woman asks
Host lady very anxiously ::
X cuse me,
"Where's that beautiful girl who was serving drinks...?"

Host lady :
"Who do you want exactly ?
The girl or a drink...?"

"Neither.
I'm just looking for
my husband...!"

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Man and a Beggar

Beggar - Give me food.
Man - I'll give u vodka.

Beggar - i don't drink.
Man - i will give u cigarette
Beggar - i don't smoke.
Man - i will take u to d races.
Beggar - i don't gamble.
Man - i will get u a girlfriend.
Beggar - no i only love my wife.
Man - i'll give u food, but first u have to come to
my house.
Beggar - why?
Man - i want my wife to see what state people
get into when they don't drink, smoke, gamble
and only love their wife..

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Don't Mess With HR of your Company

Deadly one must read!!!
All salary ppl must read this:-----

After 2 years of selfless service, I realized that I had not been
prmoted, no salary increment, no commendation.
So I decided to walk up to my HR Manager. The manager looked at me,
smiled and asked me to sit down saying: "My friend you have not worked
here for even a single day."

I was shocked to hear this !!!, but the manager went on to explain,
and here's the conversation that took place.

Manager: How many days are there in a year?

Me: 365 days and sometimes 366.

Manager: How many hours make up a day?

Me: 24 Hours.

Manager: How long do u work in a day?

Me: 10am to 6pm
(i.e 8 hours a day.)

Manager: So, what fraction of the day do u work in hours?

Me: 8/24
i.e 1/3 (one third).

Manager: This is nice of u! what is 1/3rd of 366 days?

Me: 122
(1/3 x 366=122 days)

Manager: Do u come to work on weekends?

Me: No sir.

Manager: How many days are there in a year that are weekends?

Me: 52 Saturdays and 52 Sundays equals to 104 days.

Manager: Thanks for that. If u remove 104 days from 122 days. how many days
do u now have?

Me: 18 days.

Manager: I do give u 2 weeks sick leave every year. Now remove that 14
days from the 18 days left. How many days do u have remaining?

Me: 4 days.

Manager: Do u work on Republic Day?

Me: No sir!

Manager: Do u come to work on Independance Day?

Me: No sir!

Manager: So how many days r left?

Me: 2 days Sir!

Manager: Do u come to work on New Years Day?

Me: No sir!

Manager: So how many days r left?

Me: 1 day sir!

Manager: Do u work on Diwali ?

Me: No Sir!

Manager: So how many days are left?

Me: None Sir!

Manager: So what r u claiming?

Me: I have understood, Sir. I did not realise that I was stealing company
money all these days.

Moral - NEVER GO TO HR FOR HELP!!!
(HR-HIGH RISK.)
.
.
.

So, How many days do you work ?

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Innovation with Low Battery

A Young man saved his girlfriend's phone number on his mobile as "LOW
BATTERY"..:|

Whenever she calls him in his absence, his wife takes the phone and
plugs it to the charger..
The guy was later nominated for Nobel prize for
" Innovation and Peace"

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Rs. 1/- Loss but Gained

Why you should collect that 1 rupee change from the supermarket.

Suppose 500 people visit bigbazaar daily. No one collects change.
500×1= rs500.
For 365 days, 500×365 = rs 1,82,500
This is from ONE bigbazaar MARKET.

There are 1500 bigbazaar markets in the country.
rs 1,82,500×1500 = rs 273,750,000

27crore per year.
& the worst part about this is, IT'S NOT EVEN TAXABLE because the bill
doesn't count the one rupee, remember?
Now you know why they always put price tags like 49/- 99/- 999/- only?
Please forward this information.

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Girl's Intelligence on Laptop

A girl went to electronics shop with anger & threw her new laptop on d
desk at person from whom she bought. She told that u have cheated me.
I cannot transfer file from my previous laptop...Salesman: Madam, can
u pls try in front of me?

Now this is what she did:
1)Right clicked d mouse on d file, selected COPY option.
2) Disconnected d mouse.
3)Took that mouse carefully & connected to d new laptop.
4)Right clicked d mouse & selected PASTE option.

Salesman DIED on the spot!!!!

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Ant and Grasshopper - Indian Version of story - too good and fact

Original Story:

The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and
laying up supplies for the winter. The Grasshopper thinks the Ant is a fool
and laughs dances plays the summer away. Come winter, the Ant is warm
and well fed. The Grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in
the cold.
..........................

Indian Version:

The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and
laying up supplies for the winter. The Grasshopper thinks the Ant's a
fool and laughs dances plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering Grasshopper calls a press conference and demands
to know why the Ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while
others are cold and starving.

NDTV, BBC, CNN , Asianet show up to provide pictures of the shivering
Grasshopper
next to a video of the Ant in his comfortable home with a table filled
with food.

The World is stunned by the sharp contrast.

How can this be that this poor Grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of the Ant's house.

Medha Patkar goes on a fast along with other Grasshoppers demanding
that Grasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates during winter .

Mayawati states this as 'injustice' done on Minorities.


The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the Grasshopper


CPM in Kerala immediately passes a law preventing Ants from working
hard in the heat so as to bring about equality of poverty among Ants
and
Grasshoppers.

Railway minister allocates one free coach to Grasshoppers on all
Indian Railway Trains, aptly named as the 'Grasshopper Rath'.

Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the 'Prevention of Terrorism
Against Grasshoppers Act'[POTAGA] , with effect from the beginning of
the winter..

Education minister makes 'Special Reservation' for Grasshoppers in Educational
Institutions in Government Services.

The Ant is fined for failing to comply with POTAGA and having nothing
left to pay his retroactive taxes, it's home is confiscated by
Government
and handed over to the Grasshopper in a ceremony covered by NDTV, BBC, CNN.

Arundhati Roy calls it 'A Triumph of Justice'.

Railway minister calls it 'Socialistic Justice'.

CPM calls it 'Revolutionary Resurgence of Downtrodden'

.
.
.
.

Many years later...

The Ant has since migrated to the US and set up a multi-billion dollar
company in Silicon Valley ,

100s of Grasshoppers still die of starvation despite reservation
somewhere in India ,

....AND

As a result of losing lot of hard working Ants and feeding the
grasshoppers, India is still a developing country...!!


P.S.: I have no idea whose creative mind this has come out from, but
this piece is awesome. Your comments and sharing with other groups
would be appreciated.

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